As there seems to be a demand for information and caustic commentary regarding movies which are so bad or offbeat that they somehow attain a certain level of grandeur, I will employ this ongoing feature to present a selection of the odd, absurd and wacky movies created over the past eighty years.

 

Attack of the 50-Foot Woman  (1958)  ✪

This drive-in flick could have been a camp classic (it is for some undiscriminating viewers), but it moves too slowly and ponderously to be truly enjoyable.  Rich woman Allison Hayes, fresh out of a psychiatric institution, encounters a giant alien who wants her diamond — the Star of India.  He eventually gets it, inadvertently causing her to grow in the process, which allows her to exact revenge upon her cheating husband (William Hudson) and his sluttish girlfriend (Yvette Vickers), who were planning to murder Hayes for her money (and diamond).

Awful effects, mainly consisting of a phony giant hand (sometimes hairy, sometimes not) are matched by a script that cannot tell the difference between a satellite and a spaceship.  One doctor’s reasoning behind Hayes’ sudden growth spurt: “It’s the supersonic age we live in.”  Supposed to be fifty feet tall, Hayes ranges anywhere between 20 and 200, depending on the shot.  Notice how she is found grown in bed, and yet the bed is normal size and none of the surrounding walls have been disturbed.  Only when she rises does she become too big for the room.  The film is surprisingly frank regarding sex for its time, though the adulterers certainly pay for their crimes.  The climax, which has Hayes barreling through town looking for her philandering husband, is neat.

 

The Saddest Music in the World  (2003)  ✪ ✪

Director Guy Maddin’s films could define the term “bizarre.”  Here, legless beer heiress Isabella Rossellini sponsors a contest to perform the saddest music ever for a prize of $25,000.  Entrants from various countries compete, including the brash American (Mark McKinney) responsible for the loss of her limbs years before.  The story takes place in Canada during the Great Depression, and if that isn’t weird enough, McKinney has a girlfriend (Maria de Madeiros) who gets advice from her tapeworm.

Maddin clearly loves silent cinema, for this styled just like a silent film, with rich imagery, distorted sets, dashes of color, and a scratched and mutilated film stock to match.  It’s full of potent images — check out the glass legs filled with beer fashioned for Rossellini — and odd moments that defy description (and logic) but somehow compel you to watch, despite their absolute absurdity.  Taken as comedy, this could be quite funny; I’m just not at all sure that comedy is what Maddin is trying to convey.

 

Treasure of the Yankee Zephyr  (1981)  ✪

At the opposite end of the spectrum from Raiders of the Lost Ark is this utterly inferior adventure regarding the salvage of a World War II-era plane with a valuable cargo.  Assets include beautiful New Zealand locations, Brian May’s energetic music score and some dandy helicopter flying and jet boat chases.  The bad, however, far outweighs the good.  Donald Pleasance hams as perhaps never before; half his dialogue is almost unintelligible.  George Peppard attempts an Australian (I think) accent, then gives it up halfway through.  Lesley Ann Warren is at her most irritating. Ken Wahl is, well, Ken Wahl.  The dialogue is painful to hear and David Hemmings’ direction is largely inept.  The script is not only obvious but terrible; jokes fall flat, scenes carry no punch and continuity is virtually non-existent.  According to the end credits, two men were killed piloting jet boats during the making of the film.  This attempt to recreate an Indiana Jones-type adventure is a terrible waste.  The film is also known as Race for the Yankee Zephyr.

 

The Wrath of God  (1972)  ✪ ✪

Now best known as Rita Hayworth’s final film, this odd western casts Robert Mitchum as a defrocked priest involved with gunrunning in Mexico.  Ironic religious imagery mixes with flamboyant performances by Mitchum, Victor Buono, a very young Frank Langella and John Colicos.  The lead actor is Ken Hutchison, a British actor unfamiliar to me.  The film is often brutal (as many of Ralph Nelson’s films are), and yet almost serves as a satire of traditions in the Old West.  It’s a genuine oddity.

 

A*P*E  (1976)  ✪

Back when Dino de Laurentiis was producing his big-budget remake of King Kong, South Korea decided to enter the ape fray with their own version.  A*P*E (I don’t know what the asterisks are for, but very little in this movie makes any sense) finds a 36-foot tall gorilla getting loose in Seoul and destroying much of the city in pursuit of pretty American actress Joanna Kerns (of TV’s “Growing Pains”).

Although the big ape has issues with people, it also has problems with nature.  It is attacked by a giant python in one scene and a great white shark in another.  What’s the ape doing in the ocean?  Beats me.  Like most giant monster movies this one has trouble with scale — the ape is much taller than 36 feet in the city scenes, yet is much smaller in close-up shots.  Another problem with this movie is that it tries too hard to be funny.  It’s most famous scene shows the giant ape grabbing a military helicopter out of the air and throwing it against a cliff, then making a rather modern human gesture.  It’s a big laugh, but it’s really very stupid.