Space operas, in movie parlance, are fairly rare these days.  They are science fiction stories that involve other worlds, intergalactic romance and adventure, mighty feats of derring-do, intriguing technology and epic parameters.  The most popular of all space operas is, of course, the Star Wars saga, which produced a host of imitators all trying to cash in on its immense popularity.  They’ve petered out over the years but once in a while a film like John Carter or Jupiter Ascending arrives to try again.

Jupiter Ascending, written and directed by the Wachowskis, Andy and Lana (the duo who brought us The Matrix series), posits that an impoverished Russian immigrant, Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), is in reality a galactic queen (it’s in her genes) whose existence proves troublesome to three royal family members preparing to harvest the Earth of its human livestock.  Yeah, I know that makes almost no sense, but it’s a fair description of the movie in one sentence.  There’s more to it than that, of course, what with a lycanthropic hero (Channing Tatum) hired to capture the queen, and his love / hate relationship with a rival / mentor (Sean Bean), but more description would probably just lead to more confusion.

Throw in a trio of bounty hunters, gravity-defying boots, spaceships that open to reveal elegant wings of what looks like glass, action that occurs so rapidly it is hard to follow and Oedipal references among the three royal siblings (Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton), and the result is a movie that can result in brain cramps, either from trying to follow the silly story or from the assault on the senses that the action sequences provide.  While some of the action is visually stunning, the film doesn’t give you the opportunity to actually enjoy any of it.

Movies like this must sound good in pitches to producers, but they rarely have any heart or soul to them.  Computer imaging allows the filmmakers’ imaginations to run wild, but that isn’t a substitute for good old fashioned storytelling.  Jupiter Ascending  isn’t a total bust, but it’s close.  It’s a movie that, years from now, Channing Tatum and Eddie Redmayne will shake their heads and wonder why they bothered.  And any film in which Mila Kunis turns out to be the caretaker of the Earth — Mila Kunis! — is one head-scratching fever dream.  ☆ 1/2.  6 March 2015.