Rob Zombie is a guy that I just don’t get.  He’s an accomplished musician, writer and filmmaker — yet I don’t like anything he’s ever done.  Too much heavy metal, way too much gruesome violence and a soul that seems to revel in dark, deathly humor.  It’s not my thing, obviously.  So when it was announced that he was going to make a new “Munsters” movie because he had such affection for the 1960s television series, I thought he was the worst choice to do so.  But to be fair, perhaps he could provide a nostalgic sensibility, especially considering the movie would be his first PG-rated project.  I should have known — oh, in fact, I did.  It’s terrible.

Rob Zombie’s story takes place in Transylvania as Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) is looking for a husband; meanwhile crazy Dr. Wolfgang (Richard Brake) is experimenting on creating the world’s greatest genius.  Sadly, the result of his work is one lumbering third-rate comedian named Herman Munster (Jeff Daniel Phillips).  Herman and Lily meet, fall in love and marry, to the consternation of Lily’s father, the Count (Daniel Roebuck).  Herman is fleeced out of their castle so they move to Hollywood, which is where the movie mercifully ends and the television program ostensibly begins.

To his credit, Zombie creates a crazy, colorful pastiche of the familiar “Munsters” story.  He shoots on video in exaggerated color, edits it like a comic book and sticks fairly closely to the TV mythology.  He assigns his wife the role of mimicking Yvonne De Carlo and her costars the tasks of mimicking the inimitable Fred Gwynn and Al Lewis.  Spot is introduced and accounted for (no kids yet).  But it’s all for nought.  Whereas the TV show had a wacky charm that lasted two seasons, inspired a stupid 1966 movie and some more TV variations that I have never seen, this film is laughless, frightless and witless.

I grant that he tried.  Rob Zombie surely put a great deal of effort, imagination and probably time into this project.  So why is it so flat and uninteresting?  Perhaps Mr. Zombie is enamored of aspects of the “Munsters” mythos that don’t matter.  Perhaps he was so focused on recreating the TV magic that he didn’t believe that something more original would be a better choice.  His cast tries but they are no good at impersonating the TV show’s original stars.  It’s often painful to watch.  The worst aspect is the complete lack of comedy — the television show’s comedy was often (and intended to be) dumb or perhaps dopey, but this movie just cannot find the right tone, maybe because it tries too hard.  In any case, don’t bother with this film; it’s a complete waste of time.  ☆.  14 February 2025.