I was in the mood for some sleazy exploitation, and what could be more titillating than Model House, wherein five nubile young women spend time in a house together, sans chaperones?  Lingerie, pillow fights, hot tub action, perhaps a catfight or two?  Sadly, almost none of those elements feature in this flat, spiritless girlfest; at least, not until the intruders arrive and things turn deadly.

Derek Pike’s film centers on new Afro-haired model Zoe (Cory Anne Roberts), replacing a model at a beach shoot who recently died (the movie’s only good scare).  Zoe is clumsy and shy, but the other young women accept her into their group, spending the evening posing and posting on their phones.  Then, suddenly, the house is invaded by a masked couple who demand that the girls help them quickly raise money on their websites, which would then funnel to the couple.  The girls reluctantly comply, but then things go from bad to worse for them.

As a titillation endeavor, this film is a bust.  The women are pretty but they are completely self-absorbed plastic people who lightly tease and don’t seem to know how to seduce.  As a home invasion thriller, it’s probably even worse.  Yes, things become tense because of the violence quotient, but the invading couple is never plausible or very threatening, their scheme is wacky and the story rarely generates compassion for any of these characters.  A couple of unexpected twists helps, but again, believability is not this story’s forte.  Surely these girls would have had a chaperone, or at least someone to check on them.  It’s only prudent.

Yet — perhaps this story has another level.  Perhaps it is more of an allegory on the artificial, internet-driven lives that these girls lead that leads them and their captors to their gruesome fates.  Taken as a cautionary tale about how virtual reality is rapidly overtaking our real reality, perhaps there is more merit in this movie than seems to be present.  Maybe.  But mostly it’s a flat, uninteresting, implausible horror story, although the rather interchangeable girls are cute.  ☆ ☆.  23 February 2025.